Pat McQuaid set to condem Lance Armstrong and auction off his titles. Photograph: AFP
Lance Armstrong is set to hear exactly what his old pals at the UCI really think about him on Monday when cycling's top federation have said they will give their judgement on the USADA case. It's expected that chief blazer, Pat McQuaid, President of the UCI will take to a podium surrounded by microphones and flashbulbs and reveal that, yes, Armstrong was, "A very naughty boy".
As part of this they will reaffirm their own commitment to anti-doping, and confirm that not even bribes in the form of an anti-doping machine will save you. They will then announce that the winner of the seven Tours de France that Armstrong has been stripped of will be put up for auction on ebay to the highest bidder. Early reports that Armstrong himself might bid to buy his titles back are as yet unconfirmed as are those that suggest McQuaid might even take a run at the years 1999 and 2002.
Sadly amid the joy and elation of seeing another dagger -- to follow those by the USADA, his old tell-tail-team-mates, the fans, the media, Phil Liggett, Nike and Nike -- being sunk into Armstrong, as well as the titles auction, the UCI will announce that Don, Hein Verbruggen, will keep his position as company commander.
The back of him would be too much to ask for, of course, so we'll settle with Armstrong, for now.
